As I sit on this GO train that has decided not to move, I think about privilege.
We all walk around without fully understanding our own.
I recently watched a short video of a woman explaining that she only showers once a week. Many people were quick to judge her. Too quick, in fact, to notice their own privilege. It’s the privilege of being mobile, of being able to get up and move without assistance or support.
That got me thinking about our privilege compared to Samuel’s.
When I look at where he is right now, I think about college. I, and most people his age, have the privilege of choosing a program because I actually want it, not because it happens to offer the accommodations I need to get through the door. Samuel didn’t have that privilege. He wanted programming, or gaming. Instead, he had to choose a different program he wasn’t fully committed to, simply because it offered the support he needed. The accommodation landscape in higher education for kids like him is, frankly, laughable.
There’s the privilege of choosing housing. Samuel badly wants to live in residence. It’s been the subject of a lot of discussion and negotiation between him, my husband, and me. We know he isn’t ready for that level of independence yet, on top of everything else that comes with the college experience.
There’s the privilege of being able to fully communicate your needs, thoughts, or requests at the same level as your peers. Samuel works hard every day to integrate into his community, but his efforts are sometimes limited by communication challenges. Hearing your kids argue, joke, and banter with their siblings, that’s a privilege.
There’s the privilege of sitting in a classroom and fully understanding what’s being taught, without needing accommodations or someone else to take notes for you.
There’s another kind of privilege that’s easy to miss.
It’s a privilege to not need to stim, whether that’s physical stimming or verbal stimming, to regulate yourself through a moment. For Samuel, stimming is how he processes the world around him, how he calms his body or works through overwhelm. For many people, that need is misunderstood or stared at instead of accepted. Being able to sit still, stay quiet, and simply move through your day without your body or voice needing to do that extra work to cope is a privilege most people never think to name.
Samuel takes Uber multiple times a day to and from school, while there’s a car sitting in the driveway and a city bus system nearby. That access, that ease, is a privilege too.
To the young people reading this, don’t lose that moment of acknowledging your own privilege. It’s easy to get caught up in what you don’t have and overlook what you do. Whatever advantage you’re standing on right now, work hard today so you can actually make the most of it tomorrow.
Privilege unused is privilege wasted.
Sometimes we need to sit with our own privilege and ask ourselves honestly: are we using it well?
I know Samuel has a lot of privilege of his own. And so do I. Being born into a society that embraces difference, even to some extent, is a privilege. Having a mother who has supported him since birth is a privilege. He has so much privilege in his life, even alongside everything he navigates.
My hope is that we all take time to sit with our own privilege, to notice where we might be taking it for granted, or using it carelessly, and lean toward doing better.
And to Samuel, and to anyone walking a harder road than the one they wanted: go for your dream anyway. You didn’t get to choose programming or gaming, but you still show up every day and work hard within the path in front of you. Watching you do that with fewer of the privileges the rest of us take for granted is a lesson in itself, and it’s one I hope you carry with you long after this season. Whatever your dream turns out to be, use what you’ve been given to go after it.