Month: June 2021

Yesterday, we had one of the heaviest rain I have seen in years and lucky for me😁, the boys and I found ourself in the middle of it all. I was prepared for what was about to happen….the screams, the panic, the cry, the covering of ears with so much fear, the grabbing of the wheel for me to stop…..I was scared to be honest because Samuel is stronger and bigger than me now. To say I wasn’t scared would be a lie….I was terrified.

Samuel had extreme fear of the weather, it could be the weather changing from light to dark, rain or sound of thunder….it was fearful for him. We always had to prepared for the battle when the time changes and 6pm now look like 9pm at night. It was years of battle

But yesterday, it was almost nothing. At some point he asked if a light that shined into the car was lightning but I was able to explain that it was the light from another car…..outside of that nothing else. So I asked Aaton, “Do you remember what Samuel use to do when it rains” Aaron said he didn’t remember. As we all know, Samuel has awesome memory so I asked him and he said “I didn’t like it. I use to be afraid”. So I asked how he was feeling, he said he was okay.

He was so excited about the rain. At one point when it was so heavy, the car was practically shaking, he brought his phone out to record and was disappointed when the rain slowed down.

When I see these moments…the glimpse into where we were years ago….3 years ago….even last year….I become grateful for God’s faithfulness…..for the strength in me….for his drive to overcome any obstacles in his way…..I love seeing more of Samuel emerge….. I love seeing him managing his sensory input and doing things his way.

He is an amazing young man. He keeps surprising me….BTW, my baby has hair coming out of his chin now……and one of my sisters said his voice is changing…..I AM NOT READY🙄

What a year!!! Covid came and decided to interrupt our process and routine. It practically threw all the plan I have in my head out the window.

It increased Samuel’s anxiety. He went into depression. He developed fear of being alone and for the first time, Samuel had to see a therapist. The year was tough but it came with victories.

Samuel finished grade 9 and passed ALL his courses. He got a D in one but the rest were As or Bs. To say I am proud of him is an understatement because he proved many wrong and surprised as well. My aim has never been for Samuel to get As or Bs, it’s for him to do his very best and he continue to do this day in and day out.

I am proud of all my kiddies. I am so blessed to be privileged to have them. Everyday, Samuel and his siblings teach me about myself; about life, about my limit, about my ability. They continue to elevate me above my imagination.

As we take a break, we continue to use the summer to be tutored in both English and Math. We continue to explore learning opportunities and we continue to expand our coast.

I am excited to see the challenges that grade 10 will throw our way. I am beyond proud of this young man. Congratulations Sam, you’re a Grade 9 graduate😁💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾

I received messages from someone recently about a movie or show on Neflix with the main actor living life with Autism and ….you guess it….his name is Samuel/Sam. The actor apparently has an amazing job and is doing well. I haven’t seen it…I don’t really watch alot of TV neither do I enjoy movies. Their thought process was to show Samuel that he too can have a professional career and make it financially.

When you have the urge to send parent information about what another person on the spectrum is doing so well….I need you to STOP. Whatever it is that you want to share with us, we have thought about it, we have accessed it, we have come to the realization that it’ll not happen….this is extremely important when you’re not close to the child or the person

With this said, was I upset? No, because I understand that it’s coming out of love and that this person has never met Samuel therefore, they don’t know him. They haven’t had the opportunity to see the ability in Samuel, they judge his person based on their knowledge of what Autism is…..folks forget the SPECTRUM in ASD.

As a parent, I believe we all receive blank canvas and we add baseline items to it for all our children. For all my children, the basic kindness and respect of people…the general basic that any good parent have. Then for each, I (and many parent) Tailor it to meet our children’s ability/personalities. Samuel’s canvas is full with many opportunities and many spaces for him to add more opportunities and abilities of his own.

I don’t have limitations for Samuel when it comes to what the future holds. I do believe that because of some symptoms of Autism, Samuel will do amazingly well in any career path he chooses. Do I know the career path Samuel may not excel in? Yes!! Samuel hate blood, and will take your eyeballs out at the site of needle so will he be a dr or nurse, I strongly doubt it but he continues to change my perspective.

Samuel is confident about his future because we have never set the bar for him. We have given him opportunity to push himself slightly outside of his comfort zone and we continue to walk with him every step of the way. The only thing is that we expect him to do his very best. This very best may not even meet the minimum standard in some people but that doesn’t move us. There are times when others standard may be lower than what we expect for Samuel.

If you’re ever concern about what the future holds for Samuel…Thank you. I know it’s from a place of love. I ask at that moment that you take a minutes and speaks words of encouragement or positivity into his future…..the univers/God will carry it to him.

There is one thing that is for sure….Samuel will do amazingly well….his future is guaranteed❤… he is well aware that he is my retirement plan and he has to fund my travel goals in my old age🤣🤣

SHALOM💟

“Mum, you know you can ask me to come and stay in your room”

“Samuel, do you want to stay in the room with me”

“Sure”

Aaron has moved to his room and Tiara is asleep, my moment to catch up with work also lead me to my room leaving Samuel by himself. The constant fear of the unknown has been a battle that we have been going through for the last few months…we tried therapy but it hasn’t worked. So when Samuel asked about me needing him to stay in my room, I knew it was because of the fear of being alone.

Samuel fear being on any floor of the house alone. When I’m busy Aaron has to be my backup resource (Honestly, sibling of any child with any form of disability need some forms of award) or at times, Grandma Jane will walk with him to grab food in the pantry (fear of being in the room alone). This battle has gone on for too long, I am without an idea of how to resolve it, it seems like we will need to ride this one out.

This is not our first rodeo with extreme fear but this has produce the least amount of meltdowns so in a way, I am super grateful for some form of maturity on my part as well as his. However, I am ready to see it go, I hate hearing fear in his voice, I hate having him rely on the presence of another human being.

In the middle of a battle or a setback, I can never loose focus of how far we have come. Most importantly, like the battles in the past, this too shall pass.

Regardless of how strong the wind of life blows, we remain standing.