Samuel and I: Our Autism Journey

Happy 19th birthday, Samuel Ayomide 

My precious and beautiful baby boy, tomorrow marks the beginning of the last leg of your teen years, and my heart is overflowing with joy, gratitude, and excitement. When I look at you, I see strength, resilience, and a quiet brilliance that humbles me. I stand in that God chose to walk beside you, to witness your journey, and to love you through every season of your life. 

You have walked a journey that hasn’t always been easy. Autism, ADHD, learning difficulties, and many other challenges that many would never fully understand have tried to stand in your way. Yet you rise, again and again, with grace and determination that amazes me. 

There were moments I walked with you in fear, moments I prayed through tears, moments I fought for you in tears and anger, moments I wondered what your future would look like. All these moments still play out sometimes, but now they look different because I have seen what you have overcome, and I am filled with hope. Through you, God has shown me that He is a restorer, a healer, a comforter, and a promise keeper. 

“And I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten”

This verse is your story. It’s your season of restoration. God has restored dreams I once feared were impossible or slipping away. He has restored your strength, hope, confidence, and Joy. And he has restored my soul through your life, your many victories, and your strength. 

This year, seeing you attend college is a huge testimony. A journey that once felt distant and at times unachievable is now your lived reality, and I thank God every single day. 

But one of the moments that still brings tears to my eyes is watching you navigate your way to and from school with growing confidence. Something so simple for others, yet so meaningful and powerful for us. You don’t know how proud I am each time I see you take another step towards independence. It’s a miracle in motion. 

I am proud of your efforts

I am proud of how you try

I am proud of how you take care of and advocate for others

I am proud of the big brother you are

I am proud of the son you are

And I am deeply proud of the man you are becoming before my eyes

As you run the final stretch of your teen years, stepping boldly into your 20s, I cover all that matters to you with the grace and blessing of God:

May the blessing of God surround you

May His favour chase you down, rest on you, and open unimaginable doors for you

May He place the right people around you, protect you from every harm, and guide you with His gentle hands.

May you walk in greatness, purpose, and divine victory all the days of your life

You are my miracle, my anchor, my answered prayer, my peace, and my reminder that God writes the most beautiful stories from the most unexpected places. 

I love you, Ayomide, beyond words

Happy 19th birthday, my love

The journey between February and now has been filled with victory, success, downfall – and yet, we rise. What I love about this boy of mine is the privilege he has given me to feel: to give myself grace to feel every success and heartbreak.

Heartbreak goes far beyond pain. It’s that moment when breath feels too heavy to take, when your heart aches without any visible wound. It’s when the battles in your head don’t allow you to process what’s happening.

These past few months have been filled with many storms, but resiliency is my middle name. I have spent a lot of this time crying quietly, worrying about countless scenarios, and at the same time smiling through it all – impacting others positively while my wounds stayed fresh and deep.

Samuel’s journey towards college forced us to amend our original plan. The disappointment was heavy for me, but even more so for Samuel. Last night, as I listened to Simi’s song and really processed the words, I felt clarity. This is what I love about God: when I am at my lowest, He always brings me a song that speaks directly to my soul. I love music. I am someone who can cry while dancing to a song. Writing has always been my safe space, but when I can’t put my thoughts into words, music and dance (watch me dance at your own risk 😊) become how I process my pain

In 4 days, we officially start college. It’s not the program we were first accepted into. It’s not the program we thought we wanted. But it’s the program that we needed. God has orchestrated our steps with such intentionality. I am super proud of Samuel. He has brought me immense joy since he graced my life over 18 years ago.

He is the first human to show me unconditional, unwavering love. He is my first love, my first seed, my first life coach, my first source of laughter. When I was in a dark place in 2012, he was my anchor to this side of the universe. To know Sam is to know a human filled with the purest of hearts and souls. To know Sam is to know purity in human form. To know Sam is to catch a glimpse of Christ in human form.

Please pray for us. Pray for his success. Being accepted into 4 out of his 5 programs was already a huge success. Samuel is anxious; he is stimming more, nervous about a new season and a new environment. Whatever happens, I can never be disappointed in him.

The same child people told me not to start an education fund for, over a decade ago, is now using his RESP (registered education savings plan) to step into his future. He desires to complete his desired program after his current one, and he has expressed interest in going further. Each step, I will be there by his side.  

You cannot understand the weight of this unless you have walked a day in my shoes.  

Not biologically related yet choosing to stand and support every decision – especially the financial ones – is another level of being a MAN. Tope is a man of his word, and the promises he made regarding the boys over a decade ago, he has kept faithfully. That alone deserves a whole other write-up. 😊

More to come… a new season is loading

Shalom!

It’s been a challenging month. But amid the storm, we always find time to sit, breathe, and regroup. The space – where we pause, reflect, and reconnect – is sacred to us. It’s how we make sense of the chaos. We set aside time to reflect on What happened? What could we have done differently? How could we manage a similar situation if it were to happen again?

For most youth, going to college is a time of excitement, freedom, and discovery. It’s their first attempt at independence, and it’s their season of becoming. There is joy in getting the offer, choosing a program, dreaming about the future, and planning the next chapter with friends.

But for someone like Samuel, this same season brings a unique wave of confusion, uncertainty, and anxiety.

Samuel had a very difficult time processing all that was in store for him. Samuel worked so hard to get here. Samuel was able to get into all but 1 of the 5 programs that he applied to – on his own merit. He was excited about his major in Computer programming and analysis. He enjoyed the idea of being able to accomplish this goal independently. He was excited about the goal, but as his excitement increased, so did my anxiety. Not about the what, but about the how.

How would he be able to focus in the classroom without the ability to self-regulate?

How would he navigate group activities that often overlook or misunderstand neurodiversity?

How would he be at completing projects within the assigned timeline?

How would he be supported by an accessibility system that’s more focused on physical barriers than invisible ones?

How would he advocate for himself in a world that still isn’t prepared for someone like him?

The HOWs are many, and as a parent, it’s the part that kept me up at night.

I started to struggle with my mental health, which impacted all aspects of my life. I found myself spiraling, overthinking, and overprocessing all the possible outcomes. Some questions were easier to solve. How he will get to school is easier to resolve thanks to my wfh privilege and Uber. How he would meet project timelines was easy because I was able to secure a resource that could help him arrange and remind him of deadlines. But so many other hows felt out of my control. And as a parent, you want to always solve all the hows, and not being able to do that had a huge impact on me.

What I didn’t realize was that while I was overwhelmed by my fears, Samuel was consumed by his own worries. I was indirectly putting pressure on him, which was making him overprocess his next step. His excitement about college never went away, but my insecurities started to dim his light.

That’s not what I want for him.

My goal in life is for him to achieve HIS greatness. I never want to project my fear on him. I want him to feel a deep sense of accomplishment in everything he does – even when the outcome isn’t perfect. To try alone is a success. Trying means he showed up, put work in, and to me, that’s everything I ever want for him.

What happened next is something we are dealing with, we have dealt with, and we will continue to deal with. I’m not ready to share all the details, but I will – with time, with care, and always with respect to Samuel’s privacy and personhood. What i can say now is this: when AUtism shows up, it sometimes comes with additional (dual) diagnosis. And while Autism has often taken the spotlight, I’ve learned to recognize and respond to the other needs when they arise. It’s part of the journey.

Autism is never linear. It’s a journey filled with twists, turns, valleys, and peaks. It comes with seasons of sadness, seasons of success, seasons of ache, and seasons of celebration. Most importantly, autism is different for everyone.

I share our journey, not because I have answers, but because I believe in the power of connection and sharing. In a way, it’s a way to relieve my brain before the volcano explodes :). So with our stories, some parents may relate, others may not, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to compare journeys – it’s to understand your child’s (nephew, nieces, siblings) version of Autism and how to support them in a world that still doesn’t fully see or understand neurodiverse brilliance – a world that is not aware of neurotypical privileges.

I am excited for September, but most importantly, I am excited to see how we navigate the next few months.

There is more to come…….

Over the past few months, I’ve been struggling with the uncertainty of what college life will look like for Samuel. The fear of him getting lost in the system, the potential negative influences, and the lack of adequate provisions for students with unique needs have weighed heavily on my heart. I’m not afraid of him failing academically—he is more than capable—but rather of a system that isn’t designed to support students like him.

When Samuel received his admission offer, my first instinct was to visit the school to understand what accessibility services were available before he accepted. During the “Open House” session, I initially felt reassured by the impression that there was strong support for students with developmental disabilities. However, I was shocked to learn that their definition of support was geared toward individuals who can clearly articulate their own needs or individuals with physical needs.

Samuel’s situation is different. While he knows he is autistic, he has been fortunate to grow up in an environment where his differences were never emphasized. He is a kind and gentle soul—patient, accommodating, and always willing to give up his spot for others. But self-advocacy is one of his biggest challenges. He will speak up when something is truly important to him, but more often than not, he doesn’t push for what he needs. This is why I’ve always been there to advocate for him, ensuring his rights are protected. Unfortunately, his quiet nature makes it easy for others to overlook or dismiss his needs.

After receiving the admission offer, I scheduled a meeting with the disability services representative to better understand what accommodations would be available to him. I knew the support wouldn’t be at the same level as in secondary school, but I expected there to be a structured strategy in place to help him succeed.

The first obstacle? I wasn’t allowed to book the appointment for him. Anyone who knows Samuel understands that he is a person of very few words. The second obstacle? He had to independently present what he believed he needed, without any input from me. Of course, during the meeting, I eventually had to step in—and while the representative was welcoming, I was ultimately told that I could not intervene further.

I am deeply concerned about what college will look like for Samuel. I fear that he will be lost in the system. I fear what September will bring. And just like every other time Samuel has started at a new school, I fear the battles I will have to fight—before, during, and long after the semester begins. This is causing me lots of sleep time. I am excited for him, but I am equally as afraid for him.

Please pray for us—the road ahead may be rough, but as usual, we will overcome. Shalom! 😊✨

As I look back over the years, especially the past decade, I am deeply moved by the many obstacles we have overcome, the setbacks we have faced, and the success stories we have written. I am in awe of the grace that has carried us forward, even in the face of challenges beyond our control.

Did I know Samuel was going to college? Yes! That has been clear for the past six years. However, I always imagined he would pursue a culinary arts program specifically tailored for individuals with developmental disabilities.

Last year, I started working closely with Samuel to explore his interests in greater depth. His passions are diverse—he loves cooking, computers, and interacting with children. When I asked him about a career in childcare, he was adamant that, while he enjoys being around kids, he did not see himself working in the field long-term. That left us with two primary options: culinary arts and something related to computers.

Our goal was to get Samuel into a specialized certificate program designed for individuals with unique needs who want to study either culinary arts or computer science at a nearby college.

Then came application season. Samuel applied to five programs—three in computer science, one in business administration, and one in television. None was in the specialized program, and we had to respect his self-advocacy and desire to be in mainstream programs.

As expected, Samuel’s grades met the admission requirements for all the programs he applied to. This wasn’t a total surprise, as he typically performs well academically. However, while he excels in his studies, he does require support in areas such as redirection, time management, self-regulation, and a few others.

Samuel has accepted an offer to study Computer Programming and Analysis starting in September. We are excited, scared, worried, and anxious—and by “we,” I mean me. There are many unknowns and obstacles I am currently working through at the school level and personal level, but just as we have faced challenges in the past, we are ready for this one as well.

Samuel will start—that is our current goal. This is an opportunity to cross off another “impossibility” from our list.

Congratulations to my baby boy – we are college bound