It’s been a challenging month. But amid the storm, we always find time to sit, breathe, and regroup. The space – where we pause, reflect, and reconnect – is sacred to us. It’s how we make sense of the chaos. We set aside time to reflect on What happened? What could we have done differently? How could we manage a similar situation if it were to happen again?
For most youth, going to college is a time of excitement, freedom, and discovery. It’s their first attempt at independence, and it’s their season of becoming. There is joy in getting the offer, choosing a program, dreaming about the future, and planning the next chapter with friends.
But for someone like Samuel, this same season brings a unique wave of confusion, uncertainty, and anxiety.
Samuel had a very difficult time processing all that was in store for him. Samuel worked so hard to get here. Samuel was able to get into all but 1 of the 5 programs that he applied to – on his own merit. He was excited about his major in Computer programming and analysis. He enjoyed the idea of being able to accomplish this goal independently. He was excited about the goal, but as his excitement increased, so did my anxiety. Not about the what, but about the how.
How would he be able to focus in the classroom without the ability to self-regulate?
How would he navigate group activities that often overlook or misunderstand neurodiversity?
How would he be at completing projects within the assigned timeline?
How would he be supported by an accessibility system that’s more focused on physical barriers than invisible ones?
How would he advocate for himself in a world that still isn’t prepared for someone like him?
The HOWs are many, and as a parent, it’s the part that kept me up at night.
I started to struggle with my mental health, which impacted all aspects of my life. I found myself spiraling, overthinking, and overprocessing all the possible outcomes. Some questions were easier to solve. How he will get to school is easier to resolve thanks to my wfh privilege and Uber. How he would meet project timelines was easy because I was able to secure a resource that could help him arrange and remind him of deadlines. But so many other hows felt out of my control. And as a parent, you want to always solve all the hows, and not being able to do that had a huge impact on me.
What I didn’t realize was that while I was overwhelmed by my fears, Samuel was consumed by his own worries. I was indirectly putting pressure on him, which was making him overprocess his next step. His excitement about college never went away, but my insecurities started to dim his light.
That’s not what I want for him.
My goal in life is for him to achieve HIS greatness. I never want to project my fear on him. I want him to feel a deep sense of accomplishment in everything he does – even when the outcome isn’t perfect. To try alone is a success. Trying means he showed up, put work in, and to me, that’s everything I ever want for him.
What happened next is something we are dealing with, we have dealt with, and we will continue to deal with. I’m not ready to share all the details, but I will – with time, with care, and always with respect to Samuel’s privacy and personhood. What i can say now is this: when AUtism shows up, it sometimes comes with additional (dual) diagnosis. And while Autism has often taken the spotlight, I’ve learned to recognize and respond to the other needs when they arise. It’s part of the journey.
Autism is never linear. It’s a journey filled with twists, turns, valleys, and peaks. It comes with seasons of sadness, seasons of success, seasons of ache, and seasons of celebration. Most importantly, autism is different for everyone.
I share our journey, not because I have answers, but because I believe in the power of connection and sharing. In a way, it’s a way to relieve my brain before the volcano explodes :). So with our stories, some parents may relate, others may not, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to compare journeys – it’s to understand your child’s (nephew, nieces, siblings) version of Autism and how to support them in a world that still doesn’t fully see or understand neurodiverse brilliance – a world that is not aware of neurotypical privileges.
I am excited for September, but most importantly, I am excited to see how we navigate the next few months.
There is more to come…….