It took me a while to write this and in all honesty, it’s not that I’m totally okay but it’s that I’m now shifting from my Mourning stage to acceptance….although,I haven’t totally crossed over yet.
I knew Samuel had Autism when he was 18 months old…I didn’t know what autism was prior to that but my older sister was the first to make the observation and provided with a little bit of insight she knew about Autism. By the time Samuel officially got diagnosed, I had already subconsciously gone through my mourning stage so the feeling I felt this last week was far from what I felt almost a decade ago. A decade ago,I was deep into the acceptance stage when the news of autism came…..this time around, I was well grounded in the denial stage so the news hit me more than I could even explain.
I went into depression,cried almost all the time and disconnected from people. It was tough but folks that knew me reached out and tried their best to redirect attention to how far we have come. Folks like BF reminded me of the many impossibilities that we overcame…reminded me of when Samuel was without any verbal communication…..she took me back (with her little words) down the memory lane. Folks like JB, LG, P, ST and MN gave me Avenue to pour my grieve and thought without judgement….when the storm was high, God raised folks to calm it for me.
Now that I have processed it, I look at this new diagnosis as clarity….clarity because we can now understand why Samuel does what he does and how best to help him to achieve HIS greatness. Even thou it’s not the best news, it’s still Samuel news and like we have done in the past….we will face it heads on.
Samuel’s diagnosis is now as follows: Severe language based learning disability, ADHD, Learning Impairment and Autism. With verbal communication (which affects just about all school subject), Samuel is at either 1 percentile or less however, with Non Verbal, Samuel is at either average or high Average …between 30 and 77 percentile. I’ll also gloat and say that in spelling, Samuel was evaluated as above average. Samuel has always been super smart,and, respectful,funny and super compassionate….he is one of the best human I know. I am yet to meet anyone that has had the chance to meet Samuel speak negatively about him. All the teachers, daycare providers and speciality always emphasize how pleasantly surprised they are at his demeanor. He is just an awesome person and I feel super privileged to guide him as he journey through life.
The journey ahead for us is super blurry however, I am ready, Samuel is ready, my husband is ready….the whole family is ready. We have a very small circle….very very small but it’s a powerful circle. Each person (young or old) in that circle is an advocare of Samuel.
Key point: the percentile (the breakdown was long) broke me more than the diagnosis itself.
On a lighter note, I think Samuel is now about 6″4 and he keeps patting me on the head….the boy is disrespectful 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Like I always tell you, you are my hero as mum, the way you soar high in the middle of a storm amazes me. Samuel is such a luck guy to have you as his supporter , advocate , lover , and a best mum. Love you both
This was so beautifully written. I felt the love just reading. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.