Samuel and I: Our Autism Journey

Over the past few months, I’ve been struggling with the uncertainty of what college life will look like for Samuel. The fear of him getting lost in the system, the potential negative influences, and the lack of adequate provisions for students with unique needs have weighed heavily on my heart. I’m not afraid of him failing academically—he is more than capable—but rather of a system that isn’t designed to support students like him.

When Samuel received his admission offer, my first instinct was to visit the school to understand what accessibility services were available before he accepted. During the “Open House” session, I initially felt reassured by the impression that there was strong support for students with developmental disabilities. However, I was shocked to learn that their definition of support was geared toward individuals who can clearly articulate their own needs or individuals with physical needs.

Samuel’s situation is different. While he knows he is autistic, he has been fortunate to grow up in an environment where his differences were never emphasized. He is a kind and gentle soul—patient, accommodating, and always willing to give up his spot for others. But self-advocacy is one of his biggest challenges. He will speak up when something is truly important to him, but more often than not, he doesn’t push for what he needs. This is why I’ve always been there to advocate for him, ensuring his rights are protected. Unfortunately, his quiet nature makes it easy for others to overlook or dismiss his needs.

After receiving the admission offer, I scheduled a meeting with the disability services representative to better understand what accommodations would be available to him. I knew the support wouldn’t be at the same level as in secondary school, but I expected there to be a structured strategy in place to help him succeed.

The first obstacle? I wasn’t allowed to book the appointment for him. Anyone who knows Samuel understands that he is a person of very few words. The second obstacle? He had to independently present what he believed he needed, without any input from me. Of course, during the meeting, I eventually had to step in—and while the representative was welcoming, I was ultimately told that I could not intervene further.

I am deeply concerned about what college will look like for Samuel. I fear that he will be lost in the system. I fear what September will bring. And just like every other time Samuel has started at a new school, I fear the battles I will have to fight—before, during, and long after the semester begins. This is causing me lots of sleep time. I am excited for him, but I am equally as afraid for him.

Please pray for us—the road ahead may be rough, but as usual, we will overcome. Shalom! 😊✨

As I look back over the years, especially the past decade, I am deeply moved by the many obstacles we have overcome, the setbacks we have faced, and the success stories we have written. I am in awe of the grace that has carried us forward, even in the face of challenges beyond our control.

Did I know Samuel was going to college? Yes! That has been clear for the past six years. However, I always imagined he would pursue a culinary arts program specifically tailored for individuals with developmental disabilities.

Last year, I started working closely with Samuel to explore his interests in greater depth. His passions are diverse—he loves cooking, computers, and interacting with children. When I asked him about a career in childcare, he was adamant that, while he enjoys being around kids, he did not see himself working in the field long-term. That left us with two primary options: culinary arts and something related to computers.

Our goal was to get Samuel into a specialized certificate program designed for individuals with unique needs who want to study either culinary arts or computer science at a nearby college.

Then came application season. Samuel applied to five programs—three in computer science, one in business administration, and one in television. None was in the specialized program, and we had to respect his self-advocacy and desire to be in mainstream programs.

As expected, Samuel’s grades met the admission requirements for all the programs he applied to. This wasn’t a total surprise, as he typically performs well academically. However, while he excels in his studies, he does require support in areas such as redirection, time management, self-regulation, and a few others.

Samuel has accepted an offer to study Computer Programming and Analysis starting in September. We are excited, scared, worried, and anxious—and by “we,” I mean me. There are many unknowns and obstacles I am currently working through at the school level and personal level, but just as we have faced challenges in the past, we are ready for this one as well.

Samuel will start—that is our current goal. This is an opportunity to cross off another “impossibility” from our list.

Congratulations to my baby boy – we are college bound

I am overboard with Samuel’s graduation. Is he the first to graduate, NOPE! If you don’t know where our journey started from and the many corners that this road has taken us, you’ll never understand my need to celebrate every millisecond of his success wholeheartedly. If you have never seen the many side eyes we have endured, if you have never heard the comments, if you have never seen people shift away as he attempted to interact, if you have never seen people look with fear as he comes near them, if you have never heard people come to you to ask the most ridiculous questions about your child, if parents of the children your child started with have never convey to you that your child could not be in the same class as their child because it was assumed that he could never be taking college or university courses, if you have never heard ‘I know a boy that has autism but he is better than Sam’, if you have never had to continuously advocate for your child just for basic human need, if you have never seen your child shed those silent tears with no words to express himself and if you have never found it difficult to find mental health professional to support your child through challenging times because there is no specialist with qualification in dealing with his areas of need., then you may never understand my source of my excitement.

This moment … this graduation season… has brought memories – both positive and not-so-positive. I thought his graduation was going to lead to alot of crying however I didn’t cry during the ceremony, it’s the quiet moment that brought tears. Not of sorrow but just an overwhelming need to release all the tension and finally take deep breaths. I have cried when I think about those who have supported him. I have cried about our difficult times and I have cried about our many many successes.

The journey to Samuel’s graduation started the first moment I dropped him off at a mini-private school where they quietly expelled him. To the care of Ms Z, where he was showered with love by the children as the baby of the group. Then off to Elementary and I remember his first day when all the kids were crying, I was crying and Samuel walked away without looking back. The moment I realized that my child was going to a world that was out of sight for me. Then I remember the many calls to pick him up because of behavior issues, I remember the longest potty trainining ever. I remember his time in class being reduced to an hour a day and I had to sit with him in the class. I remember when everyone was going into grade 1 but Samuel didn’t get into school till about 2 months later because his Home School could not accommodate him at that time. I remember the many Journeys through grades 1 to 6 and how amazing the educators (Mr F and Ms. J) were. I remember Ms. P, her husband, grandbabies, and especially her grandson. I remember how they loved my son and her need to always elevate her banana whenever Samuel was around. I remember Family Daycare family and how much the educators poured into Samuel. I also remember how i had to advocate all the way to grade 12 for him. I remember the many obstacles, the many challenges, and the many stumbles.

Oh! My Prince Aaron – the one person I don’t speak much about. Aaron was my Samuel whisperer. He knew what Samuel wanted even without him saying a word. He was my partner during the clock changes when 6 pm would suddenly look dark and he would have to help to get Samuel through the meltdown and support him as I drive us home. I remember road closures and the meltdown when i would have to take a new route home. When Samuel was on a strict diet, Aaron would go without or hide to eat his snacks just to avoid enticing Aaron. Thank you Aaron for just being you. You are the just gold in our sight.

Samuel is someone that has poured so much into me. Samuel also has an aura that is difficult to explain. Anyone that does not love Samuel has a problem that cannot be explained or cured. EVERYONE LOVES SAMUEL – STATEMENT OF FACT. Samuel is kind, thoughtful, generous, respectful, happy, and such an advocate of his loved ones. Samuel does not joke with his siblings, myself, or his dad; he is passionate about anything we are passionate about. Samuel is someone who will freely support anything you wish to do as long as it doesn’t negatively impact anyone else.

One thing I will take away from Samuel’s success is my decision to eliminate anyone who cannot speak positively to and about him regardless of his behavior. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am extremely protective of Samuel (and his siblings). I am also not an advocate of ‘it takes a village rule’ because I know the village cannot love him unconditionally during his meltdowns, during his stemming time, or his behavioural challenges.

As Samuel rounds up the year, here are a few things that he has done this year:

1. Samuel volunteered as an assistant coach for his H.S Junior basketball team
2. Samuel did his co-op program at an elementary school near his school and they spoke super highly of him
3. Samuel started co-op with a support person walking him to and from school (there is a light crossing between his H.S and the elementary) and during March break, he learned to cross by himself and maintained that till the end of school
4. Samuel went to his first semi-formal and had a great time
5. Samuel went to prom and had a blast
6. Samuel applied himself and graduated on time with great grades.

Samuel not only received his High School diploma yesterday, he also won an award and cash price.

Congratulations Samuel and thank you for choosing me to go on this journey with you.

Looking forward to the next level of learning

High School is done and dusted folks.

Throughout hight school, i was always involved in sports. I beleieve every child should have some outside school team (or individual) activities that they are involved in. Finding that activity has been challenging for me when it comes to Samuel. Samuel has tried Piano and honestly, he has been okay at it. We tried soccer and basketball as well but none has really stuck

Team activities has specially become challenging because as kids grow, their competitive and desire to win always grows….this is natural progression. So although i have always been successful at advocating for Samuel to be accepted into mainstream sport teams (and sport organizations have been accepting of Samuel as well), I as a parent can see when balls are not passed to him even when he is wide open. This hurts but i am not offended because sport is competitive and we all want to win.

Then covid happened and i heard about Special Olympics Ontario and as soon as in-person sport opened up last year, i registered Samuel for their basketball team. Samuel does NOT like basketball but what I admire about him is his willingness to try something once and be fully committed to it.

Samuel’s team has the most amazing players/people i have seen in a long time. They welcomed Sam with so much joy. Samuel started with them not knowing how to control his stemm while on the court. They supported him and guided him on how to use his height on the court. He didn’t know how to dribble or even defend the basket or rebound. You would often hear “Sam, stay under the basket and just raise your hands” and Samuel will follow through without knowing how to use his height and body to his advantage.

Samuel also mostly skip, he doesn’t run often. Coach Debbie would remind him to run not skip on the court. Samuel joined the team winter of 2023 and that year happen to be the new qualifying year for Special Olympics provincial draft 2020 game that was suspended due to covid….

Samuel went from not being focused on the team to being nominated to be on the team representing Southern Ontario in the provincial game. I remember when he got through to the second level of the draft and while i was feeling his questionaire for him, my anciety was through the roof. I was so proud that he was able to make it to that level but getting the final call over 7 months ago, i could not believe how far he has come.

The Competion came and went. I cannot speak enough about Samuel’s contribution on the team. I am so proud of him. Samuel showed up as a mature 17 years old. He gave his all on the court and i could only watch with pride. My baby walked in to that game and worked with his team.  Many of the coaches of the other team spoke to how far he has come and his sportmanship. Samuel was the life of the team…he danced with every block and basket…he had a blast and brough smile to many people’s face. He also got his first sport injury and had to sit out their last game……i couldnt not be more proud of him.

Who would have thought that my baby Samuel…my boy who is so gentle and delicate can come to the court and defend the basket like his life depended on it.

Congratulatiioms to Samuel The Olympian 🙂

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I haven’t posted in a long while. There has been so many changes and it has been an emotional few months

Samuel started high school 4 years ago. I am not afraid to say that my expectation of when Samuel will receive his high school diploma was based on his state at that time. My expectation was low:). Samuel’s learning started years behind his age group… so i thought. Samuel entered grade 9 at a grade 5 level….so, my thought was that he will graduate with his brother (currently in grade 9)..

I have realized that setting expectation for Sam based on what i think he is able to learn and absorb, is total disadvantage for him. In the last few years, I have learnt to support Samuel at his level. When we started grade 9, I knew Samuel will be in school till 21..21 is the max graduation age for peraon living life with a developmental dissability. Amazingly…..

Samuel is getting his high school diploma this year. Samuel is graduating with those he started grade 9 with. Samuel made me joyful eat my words. He is set to go to college next year (’25) and i am in awe at his progess. No matter how many times we stumbled or even fall, somehow, God has never been tired of guiding us towards this end reault. I am in awe at the amount of dedication Sam has put towards his school work, house chores and even his growth still makes me speechless.

As graduation approches, the emotions are flooding in. Samuel is college focused. He is college bound. He has been talking about it and planning hard towards living on campus. ..i am NOT ready. Samuel will take a year to participate in co-op oppourtumities and then off he goes to college. My baby is growing

This year in general has been an amazing year for Sam. He went to his first dance, prom is in a week…..i am really not ready…..

But Samuel do not care one bit 🙂 He continue to create his own path and journey.

Samuel, Iam proud of you. CONGRATULATUONS and more to come.

When i was told that Sam is on the autism spectrum, i was consumed by deep grieve. Everything that i thought were impossible flashed across my mind. I saw no positive and i saw alot of unfulfilled goals.

My grief was centered around MY hopes and dream. Do i still fall into grief, yes, more than anyone knows but i am quick to snap myself out of it. Nothing hurts me now than the fact that Samuel is wasting his 6″9 frame, i am convinced that he wouLd have been the next Micheal if not for autism LOL

I have gotten to the stage where i don’t see Sam’s autism as an horror anymore, i now see it as a different and unique way of life. I see the humour it brings through Sam, i see the dedication that shines through it via Sam, i see the amazing brain power in it.

Samuel is truly the human that i aim to be. He is routine oriented and if he says he will do something, he will do it right and on time. I, on the other hand can procrastinate till rapture. I love how he can understand maths so easily and many years in, i am still finding X :). I love how he can meet someone and remember that the last time he saw them was June, 2006 :). Samuel has an amazing long term memory.

Samuel had his 17th birthday recently and unfortunately, he was sick on his birthday. However because it was his day to clean the house, i was shocked when i found him downstairs cleaning. Of course, i stopped him but i can only admire his spirit of being dedicated to fulfilling promises. He is the most reliable human i have ever met

Samuel and I have grown so much.

I still find it difficult to accept that my baby is now almost an adult. It scares me

As Sam starts his last leg of the race to adulthood, i worry about the responsibility and expectation that the world will put on him. I worry about the many possible traps. I worry about influences that may lead him to make unwise decisions. I worry about his general trust and love for everyone. I worry that one error may change his story. I worry if i have done enough to set him up for success.

This 17th year, will indeed be an amazing one for Samuel. He has so many great things in line and i know that Samuel is an amazing person that will always lean towards doing the right thing but i still worry. I want so badly for him to continue to be happy, enjoy every aspect of his life, accomplish his greatness and have people around him that will advocate with and for him.

It is indeed going to be an amazing year and i am here for the ride. My worry continues but like he has done over and over again, i know Sam will surprise and shock me.

Happy 17th birthday my first love. You remain my greatest teacher. Love you beyond my last breath