Samuel and I: Our Autism Journey

I am overboard with Samuel’s graduation. Is he the first to graduate, NOPE! If you don’t know where our journey started from and the many corners that this road has taken us, you’ll never understand my need to celebrate every millisecond of his success wholeheartedly. If you have never seen the many side eyes we have endured, if you have never heard the comments, if you have never seen people shift away as he attempted to interact, if you have never seen people look with fear as he comes near them, if you have never heard people come to you to ask the most ridiculous questions about your child, if parents of the children your child started with have never convey to you that your child could not be in the same class as their child because it was assumed that he could never be taking college or university courses, if you have never heard ‘I know a boy that has autism but he is better than Sam’, if you have never had to continuously advocate for your child just for basic human need, if you have never seen your child shed those silent tears with no words to express himself and if you have never found it difficult to find mental health professional to support your child through challenging times because there is no specialist with qualification in dealing with his areas of need., then you may never understand my source of my excitement.

This moment … this graduation season… has brought memories – both positive and not-so-positive. I thought his graduation was going to lead to alot of crying however I didn’t cry during the ceremony, it’s the quiet moment that brought tears. Not of sorrow but just an overwhelming need to release all the tension and finally take deep breaths. I have cried when I think about those who have supported him. I have cried about our difficult times and I have cried about our many many successes.

The journey to Samuel’s graduation started the first moment I dropped him off at a mini-private school where they quietly expelled him. To the care of Ms Z, where he was showered with love by the children as the baby of the group. Then off to Elementary and I remember his first day when all the kids were crying, I was crying and Samuel walked away without looking back. The moment I realized that my child was going to a world that was out of sight for me. Then I remember the many calls to pick him up because of behavior issues, I remember the longest potty trainining ever. I remember his time in class being reduced to an hour a day and I had to sit with him in the class. I remember when everyone was going into grade 1 but Samuel didn’t get into school till about 2 months later because his Home School could not accommodate him at that time. I remember the many Journeys through grades 1 to 6 and how amazing the educators (Mr F and Ms. J) were. I remember Ms. P, her husband, grandbabies, and especially her grandson. I remember how they loved my son and her need to always elevate her banana whenever Samuel was around. I remember Family Daycare family and how much the educators poured into Samuel. I also remember how i had to advocate all the way to grade 12 for him. I remember the many obstacles, the many challenges, and the many stumbles.

Oh! My Prince Aaron – the one person I don’t speak much about. Aaron was my Samuel whisperer. He knew what Samuel wanted even without him saying a word. He was my partner during the clock changes when 6 pm would suddenly look dark and he would have to help to get Samuel through the meltdown and support him as I drive us home. I remember road closures and the meltdown when i would have to take a new route home. When Samuel was on a strict diet, Aaron would go without or hide to eat his snacks just to avoid enticing Aaron. Thank you Aaron for just being you. You are the just gold in our sight.

Samuel is someone that has poured so much into me. Samuel also has an aura that is difficult to explain. Anyone that does not love Samuel has a problem that cannot be explained or cured. EVERYONE LOVES SAMUEL – STATEMENT OF FACT. Samuel is kind, thoughtful, generous, respectful, happy, and such an advocate of his loved ones. Samuel does not joke with his siblings, myself, or his dad; he is passionate about anything we are passionate about. Samuel is someone who will freely support anything you wish to do as long as it doesn’t negatively impact anyone else.

One thing I will take away from Samuel’s success is my decision to eliminate anyone who cannot speak positively to and about him regardless of his behavior. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am extremely protective of Samuel (and his siblings). I am also not an advocate of ‘it takes a village rule’ because I know the village cannot love him unconditionally during his meltdowns, during his stemming time, or his behavioural challenges.

As Samuel rounds up the year, here are a few things that he has done this year:

1. Samuel volunteered as an assistant coach for his H.S Junior basketball team
2. Samuel did his co-op program at an elementary school near his school and they spoke super highly of him
3. Samuel started co-op with a support person walking him to and from school (there is a light crossing between his H.S and the elementary) and during March break, he learned to cross by himself and maintained that till the end of school
4. Samuel went to his first semi-formal and had a great time
5. Samuel went to prom and had a blast
6. Samuel applied himself and graduated on time with great grades.

Samuel not only received his High School diploma yesterday, he also won an award and cash price.

Congratulations Samuel and thank you for choosing me to go on this journey with you.

Looking forward to the next level of learning

High School is done and dusted folks.

Throughout hight school, i was always involved in sports. I beleieve every child should have some outside school team (or individual) activities that they are involved in. Finding that activity has been challenging for me when it comes to Samuel. Samuel has tried Piano and honestly, he has been okay at it. We tried soccer and basketball as well but none has really stuck

Team activities has specially become challenging because as kids grow, their competitive and desire to win always grows….this is natural progression. So although i have always been successful at advocating for Samuel to be accepted into mainstream sport teams (and sport organizations have been accepting of Samuel as well), I as a parent can see when balls are not passed to him even when he is wide open. This hurts but i am not offended because sport is competitive and we all want to win.

Then covid happened and i heard about Special Olympics Ontario and as soon as in-person sport opened up last year, i registered Samuel for their basketball team. Samuel does NOT like basketball but what I admire about him is his willingness to try something once and be fully committed to it.

Samuel’s team has the most amazing players/people i have seen in a long time. They welcomed Sam with so much joy. Samuel started with them not knowing how to control his stemm while on the court. They supported him and guided him on how to use his height on the court. He didn’t know how to dribble or even defend the basket or rebound. You would often hear “Sam, stay under the basket and just raise your hands” and Samuel will follow through without knowing how to use his height and body to his advantage.

Samuel also mostly skip, he doesn’t run often. Coach Debbie would remind him to run not skip on the court. Samuel joined the team winter of 2023 and that year happen to be the new qualifying year for Special Olympics provincial draft 2020 game that was suspended due to covid….

Samuel went from not being focused on the team to being nominated to be on the team representing Southern Ontario in the provincial game. I remember when he got through to the second level of the draft and while i was feeling his questionaire for him, my anciety was through the roof. I was so proud that he was able to make it to that level but getting the final call over 7 months ago, i could not believe how far he has come.

The Competion came and went. I cannot speak enough about Samuel’s contribution on the team. I am so proud of him. Samuel showed up as a mature 17 years old. He gave his all on the court and i could only watch with pride. My baby walked in to that game and worked with his team.  Many of the coaches of the other team spoke to how far he has come and his sportmanship. Samuel was the life of the team…he danced with every block and basket…he had a blast and brough smile to many people’s face. He also got his first sport injury and had to sit out their last game……i couldnt not be more proud of him.

Who would have thought that my baby Samuel…my boy who is so gentle and delicate can come to the court and defend the basket like his life depended on it.

Congratulatiioms to Samuel The Olympian 🙂

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I haven’t posted in a long while. There has been so many changes and it has been an emotional few months

Samuel started high school 4 years ago. I am not afraid to say that my expectation of when Samuel will receive his high school diploma was based on his state at that time. My expectation was low:). Samuel’s learning started years behind his age group… so i thought. Samuel entered grade 9 at a grade 5 level….so, my thought was that he will graduate with his brother (currently in grade 9)..

I have realized that setting expectation for Sam based on what i think he is able to learn and absorb, is total disadvantage for him. In the last few years, I have learnt to support Samuel at his level. When we started grade 9, I knew Samuel will be in school till 21..21 is the max graduation age for peraon living life with a developmental dissability. Amazingly…..

Samuel is getting his high school diploma this year. Samuel is graduating with those he started grade 9 with. Samuel made me joyful eat my words. He is set to go to college next year (’25) and i am in awe at his progess. No matter how many times we stumbled or even fall, somehow, God has never been tired of guiding us towards this end reault. I am in awe at the amount of dedication Sam has put towards his school work, house chores and even his growth still makes me speechless.

As graduation approches, the emotions are flooding in. Samuel is college focused. He is college bound. He has been talking about it and planning hard towards living on campus. ..i am NOT ready. Samuel will take a year to participate in co-op oppourtumities and then off he goes to college. My baby is growing

This year in general has been an amazing year for Sam. He went to his first dance, prom is in a week…..i am really not ready…..

But Samuel do not care one bit 🙂 He continue to create his own path and journey.

Samuel, Iam proud of you. CONGRATULATUONS and more to come.

When i was told that Sam is on the autism spectrum, i was consumed by deep grieve. Everything that i thought were impossible flashed across my mind. I saw no positive and i saw alot of unfulfilled goals.

My grief was centered around MY hopes and dream. Do i still fall into grief, yes, more than anyone knows but i am quick to snap myself out of it. Nothing hurts me now than the fact that Samuel is wasting his 6″9 frame, i am convinced that he wouLd have been the next Micheal if not for autism LOL

I have gotten to the stage where i don’t see Sam’s autism as an horror anymore, i now see it as a different and unique way of life. I see the humour it brings through Sam, i see the dedication that shines through it via Sam, i see the amazing brain power in it.

Samuel is truly the human that i aim to be. He is routine oriented and if he says he will do something, he will do it right and on time. I, on the other hand can procrastinate till rapture. I love how he can understand maths so easily and many years in, i am still finding X :). I love how he can meet someone and remember that the last time he saw them was June, 2006 :). Samuel has an amazing long term memory.

Samuel had his 17th birthday recently and unfortunately, he was sick on his birthday. However because it was his day to clean the house, i was shocked when i found him downstairs cleaning. Of course, i stopped him but i can only admire his spirit of being dedicated to fulfilling promises. He is the most reliable human i have ever met

Samuel and I have grown so much.

I still find it difficult to accept that my baby is now almost an adult. It scares me

As Sam starts his last leg of the race to adulthood, i worry about the responsibility and expectation that the world will put on him. I worry about the many possible traps. I worry about influences that may lead him to make unwise decisions. I worry about his general trust and love for everyone. I worry that one error may change his story. I worry if i have done enough to set him up for success.

This 17th year, will indeed be an amazing one for Samuel. He has so many great things in line and i know that Samuel is an amazing person that will always lean towards doing the right thing but i still worry. I want so badly for him to continue to be happy, enjoy every aspect of his life, accomplish his greatness and have people around him that will advocate with and for him.

It is indeed going to be an amazing year and i am here for the ride. My worry continues but like he has done over and over again, i know Sam will surprise and shock me.

Happy 17th birthday my first love. You remain my greatest teacher. Love you beyond my last breath

Samuel turning 16 came with alot of celebration and mouring. Over the years, i’ve come to accept that grieving for what we CAN’T is continuous. I hate that i cant just do a one time moruning and move on but as you see kids of same age do age appropriate things, make age appropriate moves etc, it becomes a constant reminder of what may never happen with us.

Samuel is now 16…..almost 17. The seasons of driving, the season of thinking about career path, the season of dates etc. It’s also the time of independence for most kids. Going out with friends, to the corner store, movies solo, branching somewhere after school, skipping lunch box and going to the store closer to school to grab a meal

Samuel and I have struggled with his desire to have same level of indepence as kids his age and my desire to protect him. I am growing and learning but it is difficult to find a safe balance. I have allowed him to work solo to the store without sneaking behind him. My aneiety while i wait for his return is beyond this world but he has been successful. He pays and now know to stay for his change.

So last thursday, i had to step out and Samuel let me know that he “found $20” and he wanted to go to the store. I refused because i was stepping out and i want to be able to know when he turns home. So can you imagine my surprise when i got home and noticed things were out of place. I turned to Samuel and asked him about leaving the house while i was away and he admitted it. His first worlds to me was that he is 16 and i am “too much”. He mentioned that 16 years olds can go to places and he couldn’t understand why i don’t let him do stuffs. I did let him know that i am too much with EVERYONE includinf my husband 🙂 .

His next statement was that i am always tracking him. He was shocked at how i knew he stepped out of the house. So since i have PhD in sneaking out of the house at that age, i had to school the boy. So i listed what he did wrong and what was different from when i left. 1. His shoe was not in the coat room because he always has to be reminded to put it away. 2.The door was not locked and i locked it before i left. 3. His personal key was still in the key hole. There were many onvious things but I shall keep that for next time 🙂

He laughed at the realization that his sneaking out was not very sneaky. He apologized and i agreed to relax a little. The other day, he asked to go for a run around the area and I agrees but that 20 minutes felt like 3 hours. I

Do you remember that $20 he found? Well, he was found in Aaron’s wallet. Aaron gave it to him and he told Aaron before leaving but Aaron did not call me. So Aaron is an accomplice before, during and after the fact 🙂

This journey is never endind but Samuel and I continue to learn and develop together. We are so far from where our Journey began and we have surpasses all expectations. I am sure eventually he will be going in and out independently but for now, we will maintain baby steps.

It’s report card season and i wasn’t shocked when i saw Samuel’s result but seeing his class avearge got me thinking about Samuel’s journey into grade level math and how effortlessly it has been for him to catch up.

For back story, Samuel didn’t speak until well into grade 1 and because most of our school learning require language acquisition, Samuel didn’t really start catching up on pre-school learning (and beyond) until he acquired language. By the time he finished highschool, Samuel was technicaly in grade 5 for some core subjects (Math, English and science). For grade 9, Samuel took a lower level math and got somewhere in the 90s .. maybe 98.

When it was time to pick grade 9 courses, I discussed with the SERT  and they agreed with me to put him in grade 10 university. To our surprise, without studying, Samuel finished with either 89 or 90s. For grade 11, i could have put him in uni level Math but it was pointless because Sam will be going to College. Plus i was afraid that he may need help from me and Math and I are like divorced couple that can’t stand each other.:)

I got his mid term this week and Samuel got 96 or 94 with median of the class being 55 (I was the 55% in math child then and 55% in math adult..lol). Samuel never study for anything math at home. How he is able to catch up so quickly baffled me which is what got me into researching about individuals living life with autism and their possible extra gifts.

Is it possible that Samuel is Hypercalculia?